Erin grabbed her phone, this time determined, that she’d express herself openly. She couldn’t stop swearing, her moment of weakness betrayed her because she no longer was the warrior princess who did everything right. What was that feeling then?
I know it’s been so long since we’ve talked. But I miss you so much. I don’t even know where to start, or how. Maybe it’s me, or you. All I know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Right or wrong, I don’t care. Am I being stubborn or just in love? Is there really any difference? I don’t know if I want my happy ending with you, or just you. All I know is that I need your help. I need you to help me understand if my infatuation comes from my long lasting desire to be utterly loved the way I want and deserve to be loved, or is it possible that I genuinely believe that you could be the one who would be capable of impersonating that desire? I am a woman with a certain desire. You are a man with a certain ability.
Erin stopped typing and left her cellphone on the table. She stood there, looking at it, as if it could tell her what to do. She wanted to be more determined to send that message to Mark. What was the point anyway, it’s been months since the last time she saw him. Those last two weeks though, she was trying to avoid admitting the fact that she was vigorously thinking about him.
Was what that feeling? She was so mad at herself, she couldn’t understand why she’d still think about him even though it’s been 2 years since they broke up. The thought that he’d move on while she couldn’t reconcile with the fact that her high hopes of their relationship never came to a fruition, drove her insane. She secretly hoped, that, the feeling would be mutual.
” If only the timing was right back then… I’d know for sure if he could be the one for me. And now … I can’t even look at my phone without feeling that I betray myself everytime I regret sending a message I so desperately want to shout out. But then again… If it was meant to be, it would work out somehow, right…? ”
Erin’s feminine side argued with her utopian innocence but there were no winners. Just a disappointed feminine figure, due to her deep need to express herself but her adulthood couldn’t let her do it. She really didn’t have the right to embark on Mark’s life just because she felt like it. So, she decided to go to work. But the thought of him, wouldn’t leave her alone. Repressed feelings are often succumbing to insanity, making a desire more powerful than ever.
Would Erin be able to fight her secret insanity? Or is it something that time can handle? ~